Led a workshop on the subject of “ being present” and maybe that’s why I’ve been extra challenged in that area lately. This seems to happen, that when I begin to focus on a particular subject, area or thinking, opportunities within that subject show up.
I suppose it goes well with my belief that what you focus on increases in your life.
Visited New York for two weeks and had the best time, being enveloped in that state of possibility, enthusiasm, creativity and support that for me represents part of the American way.
Came back and had reconstructive surgery the very next day, which might not have been the optimal timing, but I just wanted to be done with all this and be able to go back to living a normal life again.
Had no idea that this one would be as tough as it’s been. Very painful and then I must have contracted some kind of infection or something. Body hurting, head aching, having to go to the bathroom once an hour several nights in a row and feeling so tired.
Anyway came out of it after a couple of days but still feeling tired.
I AM TIRED OF BEING TIRED!!!
I miss working out. I’m frustrated by not being able to make plans in case I’m too tired to follow through. I hate feeling stiff and weak.
Whoever kidnapped my body….I want it back!
Before NY I was kind of swimming around in this space of not knowing what to do with my life, now that chemo was over but was starting to be able to look forward.
Spending time there, seeing friends, old and new, leading a workshop and beginning to feel like myself, my being seemed to remember who I am and what my passion, personal growth, is.
Coming back from NY, I had all these plans, new projects, new ideas and was so looking forward to get back into something that would be both my old life and also all new.
And then another set back! Although this one I had kind of chosen. This surgery was only necessary for quality of life, although quality of life is important too, isn’t it.
Anyway, enough complaining!
The pain is absolutely manageable. The swelling is down. I have slept well for several nights.
AND I do feel the stirrings of creativity, of planning and of then executing, so I suppose I am on my way.
So to be in the present moment, actually the only moment there is, no matter how aware I am, so tough to do when patience isn’t your friend and all you want is something else.