In the beginning of November I went for a yearly mammogram and what followed were more tests, all familiar from twice before, and then the verdict-breast cancer for the third time, same breast as last time.
No way saving the breast so on December 17 I had it removed and, at the same time, started re-construction. This is one way of doing it all.
The whole time I haven’t felt as if I have cancer. It’s felt different than the other times. I haven’t been as scared or worried which makes no sense, this being the third time. Intellectually I so get the seriousness but emotionally, most of the time, I’m pretty calm, maybe also because I do try to stay with “one day at a time, one step at a time”.
During these past months I’ve, of course, worked on myself, since I believe that all physical symptoms are a sign of a deeper imbalance, and to really handle it all, you need to take care of that inner you that’s crying out, via physical illness, to be heard and seen.
This led me to, for me, two big insights-
-I’ve never put myself first, always adjusting to those around me, not standing up for my wishes and wants.
I know that most people around me wouldn’t think that about me. Maybe I’ve been good at hiding my true self.
What I did realise is that when you don’t put yourself first, the ego starts screaming, and that’s when all you want is to be alone to be able to do what you want. Then the only way for you to be true to you is to refuse, and often in a loud way, to participate (in whatever part of life).
On the other hand, when you do put yourself first and take care of your own needs before giving to others, you end up with both enough energy and also wanting to help others. You can also be flexible without giving up of yourself.
-The other insight I had while listening to Anita Moorjani (www.anitamoorjani.com) talking to David Hamilton (drdavidhamilton.com) about healing.To not focus on the healing but on how will you live your life when you’re healed. Who are you and what do you do when you’re healthy (healed)?