So today, Jan 22, is the start date. Start towards what?
Is it really towards healing when I’m already healed, so to speak, according to the Oncologist? She’s the one who said that I don’t have cancer anymore, since the’ve removed what was cancerous.
So why am I then doing chemo? Seems crazy and at the same time there is that feeling of not trusting myself getting to the other side of all this, by myself.
And that is the feeling I have to follow and work towards, being convinced that chemo is something good for me at this time.
Already meditating on the army of little helpers, protecting what needs protecting in my body, and the chemo fluids taking care of any escaped little rascals.
Support in place in the shape of supplements, fiber rich food, throw up bucket, beanies, friends on call and, of course, the medical team with their strong beliefs that this is the way to go.
Just need to trust that the faint doubt will transform into clear intention by tomorrow and then just let go. Let go of control, let go of knowing how I’ll feel, how my body will react and how this journey will pan out.