I wake up from this throbbing, excruciating pain in my lower back.
What is this? I remember the nurse saying that you can get lower back pain but I can’t find it in any of my lists of side effects.
I lay there, not wanting to put, yet another chemical, Aspirin, into my body. I breath into it, try to do mindfulness exercises, pray to a god i don’t believe in, ask the angels to help, anything….just help me!
Remember my nail/spike mat and put that under my back and after a while the pain eases up and I fall back to sleep for a while.
When I wake up I can hardly move. Feels like my back will go out at any time now. Turning my head hurts my lower back.
I can’t sit so I stand up drinking coffee, trying to focus on having to walk Winston in a little bit. Filling his water bowl I have to pour water from above, can’t bend down.
After several attempts I finally get my shoes on and his leash and I shuffle out the door.
The walk is very slow and very painful but I suppose that mommy focus pulls me forward and we’re finally back home.
What am I going to do? If this continues I will have to leave him with someone or just give him away.
Feeling utterly lonely, helpless and defeated. And it hasn’t even been two weeks since this nightmare begun.
A bit later my brother drives me to get blod tests and I have to hold myself up with my hands in the car.
And then when I’m done and get back into the car the pain has eased up. Ok, very happy but what the f-k is going on?
Later I find out that this is one of the potential side effects of the shots I give myself to get my blod count up. It’s my bone marrow working overtime. Great to know and yet another side effect.
Two weeks and reactions from cortison, indigestion, dry skin, excruciating lower back pain, unbearable tiredness, hard time sleeping, running to the bathroom up to ten times a night and the utter feeling of loneliness and helplessness.
May 7 is my last treatment. I add the weeks in my calendar so that I can see that the number is going down. Maybe it’ll help.