I suffer from a constant sense of wanting to be done, of then I will, of having to finish something to do, to be, to whatever.
To clarify, when walking my dog, as enjoyable as it might be when the weather is great and he gets to play with other dogs and me chatting with other dog owners, I still have a nudge of wanting to be done, so that I can do the next thing.
This isn’t just about those daily chores but runs over into when I’m done with a project and all kind of things in my life.
It also has me not just enjoy the moment but not being able to really relax until everything is done for the day.
Writing this is weird and a bit embarrassing, since I’ve taught numerous Mindfulness classes and workshops, where the whole aim is to be in the moment. And maybe that’s why I’ve ben drawn to those moments of stillness and NOW.
Yesterday though, as me and puppy, Winston, where out, I at least was a bit more aware of it and could redirect my attention to what was going on in the moment.
I was also able to make a conscious choice of just walking my dog without and end to it, without an after.
And maybe one of the lessons in my chemo journey, when there are so many days when I, so far, haven’t had the energy for much else than just lay on my bed, is to be in the moment?
To just let go and leave the future to itself. To let the done and then, be where it belongs, and quietly stay in that moment that’s life, whatever that moment is.