Second day of normal and right now normal is SO good.
Wanting to get out of bed. Feeling full of anticipation for the day. Wanting to write. To do. To get things done. Wanting to see people, talk to friends.
Wanting to live!
The dog walk, trekking through deep snow and feeling alive and happy.
Spending time planning for the next bout, so that I won’t be alone so much but actually have someone around me when things get hard.
Cooking, this does gives me such joy and even during the toughest days I had this urge to cook. Maybe that is my body trying to convey its want for nutrition? Not sure, since my body signals are kind of off, but I do have this urge for a smoothie in the morning, citrus, veggies and then also comforting food.
L comes over and we continue the process of clearing of our relationship. Weeding out and finding our way into new territory.
Hard for me who thinks any conflict, big and small, is the end. Reminding my heart that isn’t so.
Slowly finding new forks in the road, opening closed doors and carefully stepping towards more openness, more honesty, more love…….not so much more love actually…..my love for him IS. There is no size, no more or less, it just IS, every moment, always, forever…endless….filling the Universe and beyond.
And I know he loves me.
So how do we now be that with each other, beyond our own hurts, life’s misunderstandings and just being human?
I’m scared and excited and the same time and that I suppose shows that this is truly a normal day.