Third time, poisoning my body, although I know it’s better to think the red liquid entering my veins is doing something positive, killing what needs to be killed and leaving everything else alone.
Information about the next three treatments and all its horrible, possible side effects. Sounds worse than this concoction. Body pain, both muscles and bones, being one.
Not sure how I’ll handle that, already having such issues with my hips and groins. This morning I didn’t know how to get home from our dog walk. Scary and very worry making!
Universe-I feel like I have enough right now. Please let me know what this is about? Please let me know what to do?
Trying to remind myself that I’ve managed this chemo thing so far but at the moment, in a room full of women getting infusions and nurses acting as if this is normal (which I get it is for them, this being their job), it feels unreal, like I’m in a movie or something.
Am i the only one feeling out of place? Am I the only one having this sense of being removed from this reality at the same time as being hooked up to a machine that lets the red chemo juice slowly dripping into my arm?
The taste in my mouth beginning to feel metallic. Feeling tired.
Am I making this up because I really don’t want to be here.
Today I just want it to be over. An experience that already has changed into a memory.
I want my life back! I want to be in charge of me and my health. Yes today I’m wondering why I’m putting myself through this. Why I’m allowing this to be done to my body.
Third time Marie! In an hour you’re half way. Just remember that.