Are you afraid of falling?

2014

"What if I fall? Oh darling, what if you fly?"

Why is it that we're so afraid of falling/failing? Not asking for an answer, just being in wonder at how we, so often, stop ourselves, hesitate, choose not to, just out of fear of failing. Imagine if you could just live in the ups and downs, of life, and not translate them into either success or failure, but just living.

Are you an I or a we?

2015

Some people in relationship, married or other, speak of their life and what they want or don’t want, using I, not WE.

They say my apartment and my car, even when all those, are acquired and owned by both.
Even their children, are spoken about as mine.

Is it just me hearing a distinction, that to them means something totally different, or is it a separation, energetically?

I know someone who, even when speaking of the wedding, stated that it was hers and not his. (They are now divorced, not only due to that, of course.)

I’m not saying that, when you’re in a serious (just that word…doesn’t sound too fun!) relationship, everything is we, and you loose your individuality. I’m just wondering what that distinction brings, or takes from a relationship?

When are we, we, and when are we, I and you?

There are, of course many times when one person loses themselves, and it becomes all about the other. I’ve been there a few times, for sure.
Where I became smaller and smaller. More and more I lost, knowing what I want, what I thought and even who I was.
In such a place of no power, the fight for a voice and the desperate struggling for worth, the I cries for more and more space.

So when do I and YOU, become WE? What is required? 
Marriage license? Children? Mutual bank account?

And is it necessary for a relationship to be WE, to be strong, long-lasting, happy?
Or does the I and YOU, give it more power, more ability to love and create an even stronger bond between the two? 

What, for you, in love, creates and increases, both the individual and the co-creative, energetic power?

See me, hear me, feel me

2014

Growing up, I got the most attention from my parents, when I could be felt sorry for. 

When I was sad, had a hard time, needed help with something I didn’t seem to be able to take care of myself. And I was a pretty tough kid, so I had to createmore and more drama, tougher and tougher situations, to get that attention. 

Nothing really bad but having come to that insight later in life, I can definitely see a pattern.

 

What usually happens then, is that you keep creating your life, in the same way. 

Drawing people in, who fit into your story. You being “helpless”, others helping, and losing more and more of your own power and capability to do, handle and create what you really want.

Having worked on it (of course, being obsessed with personal growth, mine and others, lol) and thought I had stepped out of those scenarios, I got a bit surprised when I fell down a flight of stairs, a week ago.

Yes, my amygdala (fight/flight/instinctive reactions in the brain ) thought there was a boxspring falling from the top of those stairs, it reacted and down I went. Turned out to be something harmless, but too late.

No broken bones but bruised, and very sore.

Remembered, “See me, hear me, feel me”, from the movie “Tommy” with Robert Daltry from The Who. Not comparing my life to his, just the lyrics.

<img src="http://static1.squarespace.com/static/52def683e4b03ab35fd4a0e0/t/55cb7028e4b03b6dcceb9df2/1439395881017/" />

 

Since I focus on creating stories that support me, that'll draw my intended future closer, and am very aware of when I fall into old holes, so to speak, I had to sit back, and ponder on why I now created this.

Was it about attention? Wanting to get out of a situation where I haven’t been able to find the do-able action steps yet? 

Or maybe the universe wanted to show me, that my body is strong and amazing?

Listening to Esther Hicks, telling a story, “accidents” sometimes are about showing you, your ability to survive, your ability to sustain. 

For you to discover, be reminded of, the amazing power you actually have.

I think I’ll go with that one.

What are some of your modi operandi?

A friendly reminder

Complaining to a friend today, that I seemed to had been in such a flow last week, and this week it just stopped. She then asked: "What were you doing before last week?"

And it hit me.

About two weeks ago I started taking a web workshop, that went on for two weeks. Each day, you got to meet, someone who is involved in and uses Tapping or EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique).

EFT is a tool, that I have been incorporating in my coaching, since I came across it, and lately have become more and more interested in, and fascinated by.

The results are just too amazing to ignore.

The theory is that the results of a trauma, being it from a tough childhood or all those "little t's", that we all seem to encounter, is not so much from the actual trauma, but from how we react to and deal with the experiences. When we are left with (left with, because most of these negative emotions and unwanted behaviors are formed unconsciously) negative emotions, it is actually a disruption in the body's energy system, which is the cause.

By tapping on specific points on the head and body, we can actually balance the energy system, and heal from both physical, mental and emotional issues.

So for two weeks I would listen to interesting people, talk about tapping, do several tapping exercises, on all kinds of subjects, and become more and more fascinated.

For me it culminated in me giving a test workshop, to some of my friends. It went so well and so smoothly, I was amazed, considering how little preparation, that had gone in to it.

And then the web workshop ended and I went back to reading about tapping, finding more information on the web etc etc.

BUT, I didn't keep tapping. I was more in this mode of learning first, and then I'll do it.

So, thank you for that friendly reminder!

To keep tapping. To keep flowing.

WHY IS MY KNEE HURTING?

2014

I would say that my body has served me well for quite some years now.

I've contorted it, bent, stretched and forced it to do things that would be considered unnatural. It could also be called dancing, with names like ballet, Martha Graham technique, jazz, flamenco and a few other variations.

I've carried plates and glasses, run between tables and served many hungry guests, working as what I would call dancer, but the rest of the world, would probably call, waitress.

I've pushed, pulled and lifted heavy iron weights, and often more times than my body wanted. That would be called weight training, body building to be exact.

I've stroked, kneaded, pushed down and pulled up many naked bodies, also described as Massage Therapy.

For a couple of years I changed diapers, washed and fed, no not babies, but people at the end of their time on this earth. Also heard amazing life stories, comforted fuzzy minds and held a scared hand. Geriatric care, I think the not so human word would be.

I've straightened up, wiped away and straightened out, also called cleaning, both my own home and others.

I have thrown myself down mountains, both with and without wooden sticks under my feet.

I have carried and pulled some of my (and at times my son's) clothes, toothbrushes and a memory or two, through, many places in the world.

I have ingested alcohol, nicotin and a few different drugs (legal and illegal), to feel better, to be happier, to be more relaxed and to be part of a social scene, that swayed between fun and crazy.

I have not eaten, I have stuffed everything in sight into my mouth, I have tried to get it out of my body as fast as possible, felt guilty and started over again, many, many times.

I have broken a couple of bones, twisted an ankle or two and pulled a couple (or more like 100) of muscles.

I have had the inside of my stomach, almost bleed, lost my voice many times, and, of course the biggie, had breast cancer, not once, but actually twice ( that one hurts to mention!, Interesting, will have to look into that).

And now my knee hurts. WHY?

At my age, and having treated "the temple of my soul", the way I have, shouldn't I expect some pain here and there? I mean, shouldn't my body wear out, just like everyone elses? Obviously, i don't think so.

I live in the illusion, that anything is possible, healing is to be had, for everyone and from anything (physically and emotionally). That, the so called, reality, is malleable and available for you to shift, as you like.

All it takes is courage to go deep and be more honest with yourself than you might think is possible. To look and listen, and to honestly feel, everything and........everything. So simple and sometimes so hard.

And just to make sure, there's no blame, no ones fault, you're not being punished, no good or bad, no failing or succeeding. It's just choosing, and nourishing a belief that works for you.

 

Are you running away from or moving towards?

2014

I'm back after a great trip, a bit conflicted and torn, but that seems to be the state when one has two home-places. Miss my son, of course.

Have a new faith or inner strength (which has been growing this fall, we already know that) but wavering, when I get back to my small place and the energy of parts of New York. Don't think it's just me, it's the environment.

Want to implement new ideas, new projects and focus on a brighter future, but the negativity and underlying, suppressed (and not always suppressed) anger pulls me down.

Of course no one is pulling me down. I am the creator of my experience, and I only experience what I allow to come in to my sphere. Not trying to blame anyone else or exonerate myself from responsibility.

Just writing, I begin to notice that faint flicker/….. inside, of newness, more of a forward focus. In NLP, we talk about ”towards” and “away from” motivation. Are you motivated towards what you want, or away from what you don’t want?

I’ve been (and still am, in many instances, I think….have to check) mostly “away from”, motivated. It can be as powerful, but in my case, I think, it has only taken me so far.

To explain a bit more, imagine health, as an example.

If you’re “away from” motivated, you don’t want to be sick, so you take the steps to not be sick. You might work out, eat healthy and take care of yourself in whatever way, you think, will keep you from getting sick. You keep yourself from getting sick and might feel pretty good, most of the time.

If you, on the other hand, is “towards” motivated, you focus on being healthy, as healthy as you can imagine. You might take the same measurements, but the difference is that there’s no end result, like not being sick.

Instead you’re always looking to be even healthier, to feel even better. This might show itself as, wanting even more energy, and searching for ways to increase your energy. You’re always being curious to see if there are more ways to improve your health.

For you, is health about, not being sick, or is it about being as balanced (physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually) as you can be?

A new year seems to bring these kinds of reflections, at least for some of us.

So now I’m looking at and listening inwards, checking different areas in my life, to see if I’ve been able to turn my motivation from, “away from” to “towards”, since in my case, away from always seems to have stopped me at a certain point.

Towards motivation, for me, is endless, fluid and filled with possibilities. It feels different, physically and emotionally. It has an inner, bubbly, feel to it. An openness and excitement. It’s what I’ve struggled with, worked on and, now it seems, have been able to switch, to what I think will benefit me.

How about you? Are you away from or towards motivated?
Do you not want to be sick or do you want to be as healthy as you possibly can?
And with money, do you want to, not be “poor” or do you want to be “rich”? 

 

"Insight light"

2014

I know that insights can be "small and faint" maybe they're called "insight light". Or maybe, they're all the same "size", we just don't see the results from them, in a big way, right away.

Had such a great day yesterday. Spend all day outdoors which hasn't happened in a while, due to, too much work.

Spent the evening watching a movie and/but had a slight feeling of dis-ease, being very aware of it being about an email I hadn't responded to. Didn't want to respond to it then, because I was afraid that the person would get back to me with something unpleasant, and then I wouldn't be able to sleep.

Anyway ended up sleeping NINE hours. When did that happen last, (surprised I didn't pee in the bed). 

In the morning I sent off my questions and immediately felt this release, lightness in my body, and a pain in my left (operated) area, that subsided in a couple of seconds.

My take on that is (another confirmation) that dis-ease is a  call to action, and the body speaks to you all the time. When you learn its language, you know the appropriate steps to take. I think that, when we dare to allow the channels to be open, then we receive continuous signs, as to, how to live our life.

Not my circus, not my monkeys.

2014

How about when you get pulled into your own nonsense?
Seems easier to stay out of other people's, than our own, doesn't it?

Never seizes to amaze me how busy my mind can be, with totally irrelevant thoughts. At the same time, whatever is going on in there, has to have some origin, somewhere, right? Where did it come from? How did it get there?

Or does it just get twisted into something I don't recognize? And is this yet another opportunity to untangle it all, take myself through and out the other side. Another step on my journey.

The Dalai Lama has said that our thoughts are like monkey's jumping from tree to tree. Maybe life sometimes is, just letting them jump, and not pay so much attention.

Spring cleaning

2014

SPRING CLEANING.

I know it's supposed to snow again but still. The sun is out, air still chilly but, at least I, am gettingthat first stirring of spring feelings.

So the first thought might not be about cleaning out closets and getting rid of those hard to reach piles of dust. But it's a great opportunity, to look at what you'd like to get rid of in your life.

I'm actually talking about a different kind of spring cleaning. A cleaning out, that you can do, any time of the year. Even continuously do, in life.

A kind of inner cleaning out.

You know experiences, memories that you tend to hold on to, re-hash, share with old and new friends. They seem to almost define you. They give you value, make you special.

Also the ones that seem to have a hold on you, the ones that run you and that you'd like to really move out of your consciousness.

As an example of the first kind is: Giving birth to my son was a very long, painful and dramatic experience that ended in an emergency C-section. Don't think anyone in my life hasn't heard that story, in all its details.

Yes, it's also been a way for me to relive that amazing experience that ended in a deep, lasting and complete, unconditional love. It's also made me feel special, tough and like I have something that can trump someone else.

But it's almost 23 years ago!

And I've had a million other amazing experiences with my son. Why have I been holding on to that one? Not for him, but for some feeling of a bond to other women and also for that feeling of "I got through it and it means that I'm something else".

Another one, which has followed me for longer than that, is: I was in an abusive relationship, not physical abuse, but mental, emotional and sexual. Since I'm in this cleaning out process, I'm not going to go into all the details. But it had all those parts, no one knew about it, I felt immensely ashamed to be that person, I dropped deeper and deeper into loneliness, depression and desperation.

But, when I started talking about it, it made me interesting and like "I knew". Don't get me wrong, it has given me an insight into both the abuser and the abused, which has helped me in my work as a Life Coach, although more than that, it has left me with an intense aversion, to having someone, trying to tell me what to do, big or small.

I might have left that relationship a long time ago, but it has still had a hold on me.

So now, to the cleaning out. I didn¨t create this one but would like to share it with you.

On small pieces of paper, you write down whatever drama, emotional baggage, experiences that you feel are over, that you'd like to leave in the past. Then you burn them, one by one (in a safe environment, we don't want a fire) while feeling those emotions and how they are going up in flames. Also, add the dramas, that you might not remember, be aware of at the moment.

And about that first drama, I told you about. At the gym this morning, a woman was telling someone else about her giving birth, the pain, the hours, all of it. I'm right there, and I'm having no pull into the story, no wanting to tell mine, no emotions, one way or the other. It's over. I don't need that story any longer. I've moved on. SO nice!

I invite you to do your spring cleaning and would love to hear how it worked out for you.

It's been six months

IT'S BEEN SIX MONTHS.

How can six months go by so fast?

It seems that when you're in the middle of it all, time drags on. Every day is one more day of worry, fear and sadness, and those emotions seem to slow time down, don't they!

When I feel happy, time just rushes by, and I almost loose enjoyment of the moment.

Why does it take these reminders of life's fragility, to enjoy and breathe in the moment.

Had my six month check up this morning and after all that nervousness (yes I tapped on it, and it would go away for a while, but then just come back), I wanted to just wander around, go into a store, walk a couple of blocks, and just enjoy whatever....sun, wind (very windy today!), people, life.

Can't believe that it's been six months. Feels like it was just yesterday, that I was in the middle of chaos, sleeplessness, tears, longing for it to never have happened, praying for God to take it away, and whatever else I was doing to handle my situation.

And, of course the deep, inner work I did, that helped me heal.

At the same time, it feels like it was so long ago. Another life, not me, unreal.

This morning, I wasn't afraid that anything would be wrong, I just had this familiar nervousness fill my body. Maybe this is what trauma is, a physical memory, more than anything else. Interesting, and something to look further into.

More to discover, more to clean out, more to learn from.

But for today, it's celebration! Happy birthday to me!!!

EFT and relationship

2014

The EFT for relationship workshop that I held last weekend went really well, with both people from the first one, and some new participants.

Thanks everyone!

It never seizes to amaze me what comes up, insights, new thoughts and shifts that happen, when we take that step, to be more of who we truly are.

I'm so grateful for people letting their courage lead them and step in, even when it feels shaky. To trust that, when we feel that familiar hesitation, there's more peace and power, just around the corner.  

Can't wait to do more in this particular area of coaching.

DO YOU LIKE ROLLER COASTERS?

Baffles me how you, and by that I mean me, can be on this roller coaster of emotional states. And not really from circumstances, just from focus. Up and down. feeling good, feeling horrible. Happy, sad, confident, wobbly, hopeful, defeated, calm, scared, and on and on it goes.

Being a Life Coach, aren't I supposed to be in charge, knowing how to shift those emotional states, my thought patterns, move my behavior in a more useful direction?

And, if I'm not, not talk about it. That could really harm my credibility, don't you think.

Have you heard of Ayurveda?

It's basically Indian medicine. A way of looking at people and health, that's based in that we're different types , called doshas. Air, fire, water and earth. We are a mixed of these, but often have one that dominates.

Studying Ayurveda, some years ago, I was amazed at how accurate it is. Got to know myself a bit more and found some really helpful ways of living more balanced,

I'm mostly air/ether and have no earth. What that tells you, is that I'm emotional, easily effected by the environment, both physically and energy wise, among other things.

I learned that I should eat cooked, warm food, and that I get stressed from movement and air. This explained me being a mess, every time I flew from NY to Stockholm (movement in air), which I did fairly often.

So I made some changes when flying, and that has made such a difference to my stomach, my sleep and just handling jet lag. For me it's being alert to what I eat, meditating while taking off, and, if possible (with not being able to bring liquids), putting oil on my feet, hands and face.

With life being such an up and down journey, I know I've always been looking for ways of feeling calmer, happier, more focused, and whatever else could add to my life. Maybe, not everyone is such an emotional trembling leaf, but then most of us, don't want to admit to these, so called weaknesses. And from my profession,I know we're everywhere, and we struggle and most of the time, try to hide it all.

I'm all about knowing yourself and finding ways of moving, a bit easier, in the world. So Ayurveda has helped me understand why I react the way I do in certain circumstances, and then to apply ways of moving myself towards more balance.

And to, always, working on being honest, especially with oneself, and then the rest of the world.

For me, of course, also remembering, there is always help to be found. My favorites being, Life Coaching (www.mindtolife.com, of course, and I have my own very honest, pushy, tough and loving coach, Annika Sundbom-Åström at www.humanhalsa.se), talking to honest and loving friends, Ayurveda, yoga, meditation, mindfulness, eating healthy, etc, etc.

Remember that at the beginning, I also mentioned focus.

Do you focus on how hard life is or do you focus on how you'd like it to be?.

This morning, I definitely focused on worries and non-solutions, of one of those areas, I'm struggling with. And then, slowly but surely (and surprisingly), I shifted my focus, and solutions started to present themselves.

What do you do to keep your equilibrium? To move yourself forward?

Jan 30 2014